The path up to….NOW! I’ll switch all the wrongs to rights

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to the wrong tendencies
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day of the wrong week
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique

Wrong

Wrong

There’s something wrong with me chemically
Something wrong with me inherently
The wrong mix in the wrong genes
I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means
It was the wrong plan
In the wrong hands
With the wrong theory for the wrong man
The wrong lies, on the wrong vibes
The wrong questions with the wrong replies

Wrong

Wrong

I was marching to the wrong drum
With the wrong scum
Pissing out the wrong energy
Using all the wrong lines
And the wrong signs
With the wrong intensity
I was on the wrong page of the wrong book
With the wrong rendition of the wrong hook
Made the wrong move, every wrong night
With the wrong tune played till it sounded right yeah

Taking stock

I was using the net too much as a distraction.  So I shut my computer off for 5 days and sat down and took serious stock of my life and what I need to do.  Finally cleaned and organized my house from top to bottom.  Stopped avoiding my voicemail and caught up with business.  Even got the custody situation improved, will be seeing much more of my baby YAY!

Went back to my routine of abhyanga every morning and working out, followed by meditation.  I can’t stand being overweight like this.  Thank God I’m not on that stupid medication anymore.  I’ve dropped 15 pounds since stopping it but it’s not coming off fast enough for me.  I hate having a tummy, I’m so self conscious. I’m used to being tiny!  So self care is back as a prominent part of my life.

A LOT of meditation.  Received a lot of guidance and love.  My self, and my self love need to be balanced.

Went on more dates (OK UNIVERSE I GET IT NOW!!!!  FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!) but while they were all pleasant enough I realized I have a strong “keep away” shield on.  For a lot of reasons I think.  While I can be a social butterfly I am at heart a loner.  I’ve always needed a lot of  and been happpy with time by myself.

This time it’s felt enforced by the powers that be and I’ve been struggling against it, only to be knocked back over and over again.  I’ve had such a craving for intimacy and love and haven’t been able to understand why it’s eluding me.  During my meditations I felt a great sense of love and intimacy from the Universe.  Of course, that’s what’s been missing!  Feeling that by myself FOR myself.

I know I have a lot to work through.  My ex job damaged me a lot more than I thought.  How can I look for intimacy with someone if I’m unable to provide any myself?  That part of myself is shut off right now.  I have’nt met anyone for who that shield would come down for.

So I am being given this time to heal, inside and out, and I plan to keep using it wisely.  So thank you Universe for giving it to me and making sure I use it and don’t get embroiled in any more life drama.  Thank you for giving me this time to heal and prepare for the next stage of my life.

Namaste!