Mom

Little 15

Little fifteen
You help her forget
The world outside
You’re not part of it yet
And if you could drive
You could drive her away
To a happier place
To a happier day
That exists in your mind
And in your smile
She could escape there
Just for a while
Little fifteen

Little fifteen
Why take the smooth with the rough
When things run smooth
It’s already more than enough
She knows your mind
Is not yet in league
With the rest of the world
And its little intrigues
Do you understand
Do you know what she means
As time goes by
And when you’ve seen what she’s seen… you will
Little fifteen

Little fifteen
Why does she have to defend
Her feelings inside
Why pretend
She’s not had a life
A life of near misses
Now all that she wants
Is three little wishes
She wants to see with your eyes
She wants to smile with your smile
She wants a nice surprise
Every once in a while
She wants to see with your eyes
She wants to smile with your smile
She wants a nice surprise
Every once in a while
Little fifteen

© 1987 Martin Lee Gore - Depeche Mode

Uh oh

In one week it will be the second anniversary of my Mother’s suicide.  Fuck.  Thanks for darkening my daughter’s birthday every year with the memory of what you did hanging over my head.  Bitch.

Blah

So I’m sloooooowly figuring all this out. There’s SO much you can do with this site! It’s going to be fun. Looked into exporting my LJ entries but you can only do a month at a time. Considering they go back to 2002, that’s going to take a long time. Ugh. Although there’s huge gaps where I didn’t blog, so it shouldn’t be THAT much. I’m just lazy. And then I have to categorize them??? Hrmm.

Got to see Madeline today, her other front tooth was half hanging off, she could twist it all the way around, it was cute. She wouldn’t let me just give it a pull and get it over with though.

Poor baby, this is so hard on her. She needs her Mother. Every time she cries or gets upset about something, Scott reprimands her with “That’s nothing to cry about Madeline”. Let the kid express her feelings! It’s often related to something deeper. Today as Scott was trying to get her out the door she started to cry and looked up at me and said “Mommy I don’t want you to die”. It broke my heart. She’s been through so much turmoil lately that she’s desperate for anything stable to hang on to. She even flipped out about me wanting to change my hair color and paint the kitchen cupboards.

And Scott parents her when she’s here, reprimanding her for this or that. Piss off buddy! This is MY daughter, she is in MY house, and when she is I will do the parenting, not you. Grrrrr

*sigh* parenting feels like one big guilt trip sometimes. I can’t wait for this court case to be over so we can go back to normal.